zacks_senario1 (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} zacks_senario1) wrote,@ 2006-10-26 18:00:00 |
|
23rd
I haven't had an October 23rd that I could call a good day since 1998. But Monday was a damn good night. Thankfully no one tryed to call me to see if I was alright. Over the years I've gotten sick of people thinking that I always spend that day being suicidal. I'll never forget senior year of high school when Rj accually called my house and ask my Ma if I was still alive.
If you know me at all, you know that I'm far from being sucidal. I just take a day to not exist to the people I see everyday, and just think of the years gone by, and how they would have been if things were different. Then at the end of the day, I come to realization of who I am and go on. Of course having an aniversery of Stephanie and Shelly's loss can put me in a melancholy mood, but meeting Stephanie made me stronger than you could ever believe. Amazing what love can do for someone.
Monday started off with me driving from Fitchburg, MA to Keene, NH. Of course I pretty much had a movie in my head of how things would have been if they were different. When I got to Keene, I went to Twilight Tattoos and finished up the Chavein's Rose Memorial by adding the words "As I Do, As I Shall", those were the last words of "Sharp Leaves of the Wind" which was a song written by Red Eagle (hence the old band name: Red Eagle's Tune). He speaks of where one goes from their state after everything wrong is set right : "Love You As I Do, Move On As I Shall".
From Keene, I drove to Bedford for the Escape to Everything/Evan's Blue/Smile Empty Soul show. As I drove, I let a movie play in my head of the years gone by. The first 2 years where hard to think about: The first year I was taking everything in all at once, then the second year is when I was caught up on drugs. It's hard enough to get off of heroin when you're in your 30's, but I was 13 and keeping everything in my life a giant secret. Coming to the realization that I've kept myself strong and off of the drugs for the past 5 years put me in a better place. Of course, I'm not going to let it get to my head. Like I said before, to be all egotistical about songs you've written about that subject or growing your head because you can overcome would be like flautning your shallow days like a fancey piece of jewelry.
Seeing e2e made my day like you wouldn't believe. They are officially my brothers if they can put something else on my mind instead of the obvious. Seeing Salina was also a relief. We were both going through so much, so we just had our long conversations and came to the understanding that we would always be there for eachother.
I haven't had an October 23rd that I could call a good day since 1998. But Monday was a damn good night. Thankfully no one tryed to call me to see if I was alright. Over the years I've gotten sick of people thinking that I always spend that day being suicidal. I'll never forget senior year of high school when Rj accually called my house and ask my Ma if I was still alive.
If you know me at all, you know that I'm far from being sucidal. I just take a day to not exist to the people I see everyday, and just think of the years gone by, and how they would have been if things were different. Then at the end of the day, I come to realization of who I am and go on. Of course having an aniversery of Stephanie and Shelly's loss can put me in a melancholy mood, but meeting Stephanie made me stronger than you could ever believe. Amazing what love can do for someone.
Monday started off with me driving from Fitchburg, MA to Keene, NH. Of course I pretty much had a movie in my head of how things would have been if they were different. When I got to Keene, I went to Twilight Tattoos and finished up the Chavein's Rose Memorial by adding the words "As I Do, As I Shall", those were the last words of "Sharp Leaves of the Wind" which was a song written by Red Eagle (hence the old band name: Red Eagle's Tune). He speaks of where one goes from their state after everything wrong is set right : "Love You As I Do, Move On As I Shall".
From Keene, I drove to Bedford for the Escape to Everything/Evan's Blue/Smile Empty Soul show. As I drove, I let a movie play in my head of the years gone by. The first 2 years where hard to think about: The first year I was taking everything in all at once, then the second year is when I was caught up on drugs. It's hard enough to get off of heroin when you're in your 30's, but I was 13 and keeping everything in my life a giant secret. Coming to the realization that I've kept myself strong and off of the drugs for the past 5 years put me in a better place. Of course, I'm not going to let it get to my head. Like I said before, to be all egotistical about songs you've written about that subject or growing your head because you can overcome would be like flautning your shallow days like a fancey piece of jewelry.
Seeing e2e made my day like you wouldn't believe. They are officially my brothers if they can put something else on my mind instead of the obvious. Seeing Salina was also a relief. We were both going through so much, so we just had our long conversations and came to the understanding that we would always be there for eachother.
