zacks_senario1 (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} zacks_senario1) wrote,@ 2007-01-16 13:43:00 |
|
yea, a copy and paste from myspace
So, this may suprise you, but I'v been constantly thinking about constant shit. Luckily it has nothing to do with the last blog, everything is all good in that area. But it's all about the present. I've come to the conclusion that I'm 19, I deliver pizza, play in an incomplete band, and have the shallow dream to move out to L.A and become something I want to be. The worse part is I fucking love it compared to what I could be.
Ever since my Dad admitted to cheating on my stepmother, I've noticed him getting kicked out of the house EVERY week (as opposed to twice a month, like it usually goes). So due to that, I see the fucktard every day, and I can only take him in small doces. I usually go about a month w/out seeing him and then we have a pretty good conversation or so and things are great (except his life). But now that I see him constantly, I realize how much I really can't stand him.
I know I like to drink, but I really couldn't do it every day. I know I'll get sick of it for one thing, but it's just stupid to do that every fucking day. And when he drinks, he decides it's time to tell me that I'm gonna be just like him. But let's face it, I refuse to work construction because he that's what he does. I don't smoke pot, because he does.I broke up w/ Alice Wills because I don't want to be stuck in a relationship w/ a case, because that's what he keeps doing w/ Jen. Shit, my junior year of high school, I vowed to go an entire year w/out a sip of alcohol, just to show I can stop drinking if I ever had to. I swear to God, there have been so many times inwhich I would ask him for advise on something, and then I'd do the exact opposite just to keep from being like him.
I just love how he tries to bust my balls for being a delivery guy at 19, because it gives me all the freedom to tell him that he's 39 and he has no licence, still lives w/ his parents when he gets kicked out, still smokes pot, and has to call his oldest SON to come pick him up from the fucking pub! One thing that I do keep that I got from him is the fact that music is my life. But I'm not gonna give it all up the way he did.
Which brings me to more. I'm afraid of college. Not only am I afraid that I'm gonna start smoking again, but even if I do good in school, I don't feel like I'm doing it for myself at all. I'm just going to Shut everyone Up. The kind of life I dream to live is not ideal to everyone, it's not like you can major in being a rock star or screenwriter, and get a degree in it, so it looks stupid to the adults who come up and say "So, how's life? You going to college?... Oh" **makes jerkoff movement w/ hand** . At least in L.A if you say that's what you want to do, the can't exactly say "Well you're from L.A, you can't do that in L.A". Even though I've met people this year that I care about beyond belief, I can't stand to be here any longer. I'm still young, I gotta live while I can.
So, this may suprise you, but I'v been constantly thinking about constant shit. Luckily it has nothing to do with the last blog, everything is all good in that area. But it's all about the present. I've come to the conclusion that I'm 19, I deliver pizza, play in an incomplete band, and have the shallow dream to move out to L.A and become something I want to be. The worse part is I fucking love it compared to what I could be.
Ever since my Dad admitted to cheating on my stepmother, I've noticed him getting kicked out of the house EVERY week (as opposed to twice a month, like it usually goes). So due to that, I see the fucktard every day, and I can only take him in small doces. I usually go about a month w/out seeing him and then we have a pretty good conversation or so and things are great (except his life). But now that I see him constantly, I realize how much I really can't stand him.
I know I like to drink, but I really couldn't do it every day. I know I'll get sick of it for one thing, but it's just stupid to do that every fucking day. And when he drinks, he decides it's time to tell me that I'm gonna be just like him. But let's face it, I refuse to work construction because he that's what he does. I don't smoke pot, because he does.I broke up w/ Alice Wills because I don't want to be stuck in a relationship w/ a case, because that's what he keeps doing w/ Jen. Shit, my junior year of high school, I vowed to go an entire year w/out a sip of alcohol, just to show I can stop drinking if I ever had to. I swear to God, there have been so many times inwhich I would ask him for advise on something, and then I'd do the exact opposite just to keep from being like him.
I just love how he tries to bust my balls for being a delivery guy at 19, because it gives me all the freedom to tell him that he's 39 and he has no licence, still lives w/ his parents when he gets kicked out, still smokes pot, and has to call his oldest SON to come pick him up from the fucking pub! One thing that I do keep that I got from him is the fact that music is my life. But I'm not gonna give it all up the way he did.
Which brings me to more. I'm afraid of college. Not only am I afraid that I'm gonna start smoking again, but even if I do good in school, I don't feel like I'm doing it for myself at all. I'm just going to Shut everyone Up. The kind of life I dream to live is not ideal to everyone, it's not like you can major in being a rock star or screenwriter, and get a degree in it, so it looks stupid to the adults who come up and say "So, how's life? You going to college?... Oh" **makes jerkoff movement w/ hand** . At least in L.A if you say that's what you want to do, the can't exactly say "Well you're from L.A, you can't do that in L.A". Even though I've met people this year that I care about beyond belief, I can't stand to be here any longer. I'm still young, I gotta live while I can.
